Advice on Women From Dad-E

(For my boys' future reference.)

*****

Dear Boys,

I recently came across this Yahoo article.

The “Reader’s Digest” version of the article is that:
“Words of appreciation spoken directly to your romantic partner go far in paving the way to a happy, healthy relationship.” And you should say some/all of the following 5phrases (especially when you (will and do) screw-up). IN CAPS, I'VE MADE SOME ANNOTATED COMMENTS

1. You're irreplaceable.
(BECAUSE I CONSIDERED REPLACING YOU AND REALIZED THAT EITHER 1) I CAN'T DO ANY BETTER, OR 2) NO ONE ELSE WOULD PUT UP WITH ME.)

2. You bring light to my life.
(I WAS A DREADFULLY DARK AND BORING PERSON BEFORE I MET YOU, HENCE #1 ABOVE)

3. You are perfect just the way that you are.
(WHICH COULD EASILY BE INTERPRETED AS 'I JUST STEPPED ON MY TOES BIG TIME BY IMPLYING THAT YOU HAVE FLAWS.')

4. I love your (fill in the blank: bright eyes, cute toes, toned arms, sleek legs,
silky hair).
(SORRY, BUT TOES JUST AIN'T CUTE, ESPECIALLY WHEN YOU JUST STEPPED ON THEM. THIS IS A LAME ATTEMPT TO MAKE UP FOR #3 ABOVE.)

5. I am so proud of you.
(OKAY, FINALLY WE'RE A LITTLE MORE ON TARGET.)

I was talking to Mom-E about this article, and it gave us both quite a laugh.

I promise not to espouse too much advice when it comes to love and relationships, but I'm hoping to save you from this (near) death-trap.

Let me just say that IMHO "cheesy phrases" do NOT pave the way to a happy relationship. If this were a test (and women WILL and DO give you many tests, even though you do NOT realize you are taking them), you would FAIL MISERABLY, just on your willingness to say them.

Relationships are like a garden. They take (sometimes hard) work and nurturing to make them grow and flourish. There is no "secret phrase" or short-cut to making a relationship happy.

For Mom-E and I, there are 3 basic tenents to which we hold.

1. Communicate, communicate, communicate. It's not enough to whip off some sweet-soudning phrase. You need to learn how to really talk with each other--share ideas, joys, frustrations, and goals--to function effectively as a unit.

2. When you're done communicating, go out and "walk the walk." And the key is to walk together, working as a team. Words are nice, but action means a lot more.

Ask 100 women which is the bigger turn-on:
a. Your man tells you "I love you cute toes," or
b. Your man vacuums while holding the baby.

Anyone who answers a. needs medical attention.

3. You care more about yourselves as a couple than you care about yourself. Mom-E and I keep a pretty even division of labor when it comes to running the household. It's a 50-50 partnership.

But sometimes I'm just plain exhausted and need to go to bed myself after we tuck-in the boys. And Mom-E understands that. Other times, I tell Mom-E to go to bed early (I know when she needs to do this because she'll be falling asleep while reading a bedtime story), and I'll stay up to clean up the after dinner-mess, fold laundry, and pack lunches.

4. Bonus. Buy her roses and chocolate at least once a year FOR ABSOLUTELY NO OCCASION other than to say "I love you."

If you stick with the above plan, you won't need to rely on these "words of appreciation", though you will invariably need to say "I'm sorry" for when you screw-up.

But, no doubt, she'll have a detailed score card in her mind of all of the wonderful "actions" you've done that will bail you out of the dog house in no time.

See you on Fatherhood Friday!

Love you,
Busy-Dad-E