Tuesday, December 28, 2010

Your Butt's Too Big

So on Christmas Eve Eve, we were doing some last-minute shopping as a family, and decided to go out to eat because the boys had asked about 99,999 times for a "Happy Meal" because I had used up all of my blood sugar chasing the boys around the shoe store while Mom-E perused.

We went to a restaurant with an indoor playground.

The boys did pretty well during dinner (more the waiting to go to the playground part than the eating part) because we bribed them with dessert. I took Big Brother and Little Brother to play, while Mom-E finished feeding Bab-E Brother.

So we get to the playground, and Little Brother is apprehensive about the slide. He had no problem with the maze of steps that wound around, leading up to the slide, but the slide itself was a thing of terror.

He begged for me to climb the steps to the slide with him, but I explained that adults weren't allowed on the playground equipment and I was afraid that I'd break it, and come tumbling down, breaking my crown.

A few minutes later, Mom-E came to the playground with Bab-E Brother, and of course, Little Brother asked her the same question.

"Mom-E, can you climb up here to the slide with me?"

"No," she replied. "I'm not allowed."

"Is that because you're butt's too big?"

**SHOCK, AWE, MORTIFICATION** (Apparently he'd told Mom-E this the day before).

But wait, there's more.

Little Brother proceeds to turn around, MOON half the restaurant, and explain,

"Your butt needs to get smaller, like this?"


(Admittedly, Little Brother is, well, a little on the little side. His butt isn't much wider than my thigh. So anyone, even Mom-E--who is petite--would be larger by comparison.)

And for some reason, he'll take his pants off at the drop of a hat (or one drop of urine), underwear and all.

(BRIEF PARENTAL DILEMMA DIGRESSION: I'm glad he has a good body image, but we need to work on some basics, like public decency.)

"Put some pants on, dude. There's enough BUNS in the restaurant already."

At which point we proceeded to make sure everyone was fully clothed, and then we made a bee-line for the exit.

(The door did NOT hit anyone on the backside on our way out.)

No doubt our pictures are now hanging prominently on the wall in the restaurant.

I don't think we'll be going back there ever anytime soon.

But I do think Little Brother and I have a few things and manners to talk about, namely manners.

See You On Fatherhood Friday,
Keep your pants on,


  1. The last time I pulled that trick in a restaurant, my meal was complimentary!

  2. What is it with little boys and their desire for lack of pants? Nevermind. Don't answer that.