The Zoo

Happy Fatherhood Friday, everyone!

At least the clock/calendar says it's Friday. Having just returned from a week-long meeting/"vacation", flying all day yesterday with two boys who decided they were on a liquid diet, lost luggage, and jet lag, my body is telling me it's "why-didn't-you-take-today-off-and-sleep" day.

During our trip, we took the boys to the zoo.

I imagine you're already laughing to yourself, "Busy-Dad-E, your life is enough of a ZOO at times, why do you need to visit another zoo when you're on vacation?"

I would have a hard time arguing with you, except that it makes my boys happy.

And so, here are the "Top 9" highlights from our day at the zoo.

#9 The number of times Big Brother had to go potty during the 5 hours we were there. (For those of you who like math, this is a trip to the potty every 33 minutes.)

#8 The number of animal exhibits we actually saw. (Note that we went potty more times than we looked at animals).

#7 The number of times Busy-Mom-E and I pulled the "if you don't stop that, we're leaving right now" card. We have a whole deck of those cards. They don't work, especially when your child (and their parents) is/are tired to the point of delirium. Definitely not a nominee for a "Great Moments in Parenting" award.

#6 The number of miles we pushed the stroller (or should I say carried Little Brother while the other parent pushed the empty stoller.) It still hurts my arms to type.

#5 The number of times we had to swoop Little Brother away from a "restricted area" because he was busy chasing free-roaming ducks, trying to feed them crackers.

#4 The number of limbs required to hold a child down in order to put enough sunscreen on to make any difference.

#3 The number of minutes (in 5 second intervats) that Little Brother wore the hat (aka spf 1000 for his head) we bought him. (Again, for those of you who like math, the hat cost about $5 per minute of actual use.)

#2 The number of ice cream cones we enjoyed together as a family. Talk about two happy brothers--oh the smiles and giggles!

#1 The number of gold-digging 2 year-old girls who put the moves on Little Brother.

Yep, that's right. Little Brother met his first girlfriend at the zoo. Her name was Jaylene, and their relationship lasted about 10 minutes. She was 2 years old and tan, with dark hair and pig tails. She walked right up to Little Brother, smiled, and even held his hand. Little Brother smiled, too. They started to elope (i.e., walked away from the concession area). He didn't even say "bye-bye" to Busy-Mom-E and me.

Next thing you know, Jaylene had taken Little Brother's bottled water. He was too shocked to cry. Her big (maybe 7 year-old) brother then entered the picture and started chasing her around. She coughed up the water bottle and lost all interest in Little Brother. Until...

A few minutes later, when she spotted Little Brother holding an ice cream cone. Wouldn't you know, she went right back up to him with the same coquettish grin. Fortunately, Little Brother was not to be taken for the fool a second time, and he spurned her advances(i.e., retreated to me to pick him up).

And so, Little Brother's first lesson in love was a harsh one: some girls are only interested in you for the things you have.

That said, we had a good day together as a family.

From my family zoo to yours, have a great weekend,
(Tired) Busy-Dad-E