Thursday, February 11, 2010

While You Were Sleeping

Happy Fatherhood Friday everyone! I'm excited about next week's one-year anniversary of FF. I started participating in this event around March 2009, and if memory serves, have only missed one since "joining." If you need some laughter and a cure for insomnia, you should check out all of the great bloggers over at

Even the third time around, I'm still amazed at how newborns can sleep through almost anything (EXCEPT, of course, being put down in their crib, which is like plunging them in freezing water.)

It's funny to think about all of the daytime activities that babies "miss out" on while they're asleep. So, for Bab-E Brother's benefit, I'll share one of many such examples of what goes on while he's passed out and busy growing.

Dear Bab-E Brother,

You fell asleep in your car seat this week while Mom-E was waiting in the doctor's office for her postpartum visit.

The doctor was running well over an hour late due to an emergency delivery and surgery.

Meanwhile, your Little Brother, who has been battling a stomach virus--to be known as the Diarrhea-nator--managed to soil EVERY LAST ONE OF HIS DIAPERS IN THE DIAPER BAG. Amazingly, he's pretty much been his sweet, happy, usual self, despite needing 97,000 diaper changes a day. His only request while getting changed: "Be gentle."

As Dad-E was back at work and fresh off of paternity leave, I wasn't able to come to the appointment (OR SO I THOUGHT...KEEP READING). That left Mom-E and her track shoes to tote both of you between the waiting room and bathroom for the above-mentioned diaper changes.

At about noon, Mom-E called to let me know that you guys were all stuck waiting in the exam room, and that Little Brother was one more code (liquid) brown away from disaster.

Fortunately, I had just started a lunch break, and was able to drive over to the hospital.

I found the minivan in the parking garage. As I didn't have a set of keys to the minivan we attempted that "trick" where you use your cell phones to do it remotely (word to the wise, this didn't work).

So, I just headed up to the OB's office. For some reason, whenever I tell them I'm there to meet up with my wife, they look at me like they're going to drag me to the firing squad, or like I've just asked to sneak into the girl's locker room.

And so, I politely explained, "My wife is waiting in the exam room for the doctor. Our toddler has a stomach virus, and I need to get the keys from her, so that I can get more diapers from the minivan."

(At which point I fully expected her explode with gut-busting laughter.)

Fortunately, I was rescued by another receptionist, who said, "Are you talking about the lady with two little kids who kept going back-and-forth to the bathroom?"

Yes, those are my children: Bab-E and Diarrhea Boy.

Thereafter I was quickly escorted back to the exam room without further questioning.

I say "Hello" and embrace Mom-E and Little Brother, and pick up the keys, which are resting on the blanket on top of you.

Having seen me and knowing full-well that Little Brother will scream until you wake up unless I take him with me, the two of us leave the exam room and office, and trek back to the parking garage to bear the sub-freezing temperatures.

To my relief, Little Brother has two "emergency diapers" in the trunk. I bring those, some more diapers for you, and some extra wipes "just in-case." Who knows, by the time I get back, there could be an outbreak of explosive diarrhea in the doctor's office.

I'm lucky enough to be greeted by the same receptionist when we return to the doctor's office.

Still, she looks at me puzzledly when I say, "Hi, can we head back to the exam room with the diapers?", as if she was surprised that I came back.

Then time slows down for a split-second, and I can see her having this debate in her head between, "Do I escort him back to the exam room again, or do I just let him find his way back?"

Amazingly, she says, "Do you remember how to get back to the room?"

"Yes." And then I'm able to just waltz back there myself. Apparently if you "pass the test" the first time, they just give you a guest key to the office?

We make it back just as Mom-E's doctor is finishing up.

While you continue to enjoy your zzz's, Mom-E picks you up, puts on your coat, changes your diaper, and straps you back into your car seat.

Together, we go back to the parking lot (my 3rd trip in a span of 15 minutes). I help Mom-E get you boys and our gear in the minivan, and see you off.

I make it back to work only a few minutes late, chuckling at the fact that I got to enjoy seeing you (albeit under unusual circumstances) over lunch, and you had NO CLUE about all of our goings on, having passed out.

I'm tired now. I think I know why you sleep so much!

Love ya, little dude,


  1. That is what makes us Dads heroes. You da man.(Mom's too, but this is the Father's corner of the blogosphere) :-)

  2. Haha....that is one really nice thing about that age...that they can sleep anywhere through anything! We used to take little cousin out to eat with us all the time. It was no prob..he just slept! Now he refuses to sleep unless he is in his own crib! So funny....enjoy your sleeper while it lasts! Love, aunt-e

  3. Wow! Three little ones in the house, including an infant, and you still have a great sense of humor. "Yes, those are my children: Bab-E and Diarrhea Boy." I think it's wonderful you took your lunch break and got to see the boys and your wife. Those surprise visits during the day just add a bounce in your step, even when you're just a bit tired.

  4. I was hanging on every word...thanks for sharing...(I think) LOL


  5. @O'Shea: I can honestly say Mom-E was the hero/super-trooper that day. What I did over lunch pales in comparison to the entirety of her day.

    @Aunt-E: Yep, gotta enjoy nap time before they grow resistance to it.

    @Surprised Mom: In the words of John Lenon, "Life is what's happening when you're busy making other plans." Okay, now Beautiful Boy is stuck in my head. That's cool.

    @BellaDaddy: The laughs are on the house.

  6. Oh of course, I know. Mom-E rules at handling everybody! But this is your blog and a celebration of Fatherhood. You get an "atta boy" the proverbial pat on the back.
    If she had her own blog, she would get a card from me made out of construction paper and glitter-glue. :-)

  7. I remember those days and they were exhausting. Here's hoping you all get some good rest soon.

  8. @OShea: Actually, Mom-E does have her own blog. She prefers pink glitter glue.

    @WM: Rest is my favorite four-letter word.