Sunday, May 2, 2010


Today's post is more of a rant.

I'd like to preface by saying that I like Lowe's. We've spent several $1000 at Lowe's in the last 5 years. We will continue to shop there. And having recently moved, we make at least 1 trip there weekly.

But sometimes I'd like to spell Lowe's starting with a silent "B".

Lowe's slogan is "Improving Home Improvement."

Might I suggest that you first "improve the home improvement store."

Here's a few suggestions.

1. Start making detailed maps of the store that are handed out by your Wal-Mart-style greeter. I CAN'T FIND ANYTHING AT YOUR STORE! NOTHING! EVER!

Can I have a personal shopper? When they greet me and say, "Can I help you with anything today?" I want to say:

"Why yes, here's my list. Can you plese find all of this sh*t for me? Because I really have no idea where any of it is. I'll be waiting with my children at the tractors.

2. Could you please move the tractors to either a) the checkout, or b) the far corner of the store?

We walk in to the store, and BAM, my children sprint for the tractors, which are always straight ahead. (Okay, so I fibbed in #1. I know where the tractors are, but that's it.)

We can't get any shopping done for at least 15 minutes because my kids must each climb into the seat of every single tractor.

3. Move your greeter to the tractor area. Put a fence around it. Turn it into a childcare area. Just let the kids play on the tractors while the parents shop. We'll love you.

4. Put things in aisles that are remotely in the same genre.

The other day, we needed to buy a "touch-up pen" for our hardwood floor. We stumbled into went to the "Hardwood Floors" aisle. No touch up pens. Apparently they're in an obscure aisle in "Painting."

Oh, I need to buy some child locks. Maybe I'll start by looking in "Plumbing."

5. Either a) require that you pay for assembly, or b) put an honest sign that reads, "WARNING! Your children will learn new words unless you pay us to have this assembled."

We recently bought some rocking chairs at Lowe's. Now I'm not a Super Mr-Fix-It, but I can do a few basic things and follow instructions. I figured I could save us $20 and put together the chairs myself.

I thought wrong. Especially when I got to the very last piece and it was clear that there's not a snowball's chance in h-e-double-hockey-sticks that it's going to fit.
At least the boys had fun LAYING ABSOLUTE WASTE to the styrofoam in the box.

Never again. Please Lowe's. Please take my $20. Please take my money.

If only I could find the cash registers.

Well, gotta go return those chairs.

Have a good week,


  1. Sorry for your frustrating trips....after buying two houses I completely understand your story. I must say though that I do enjoy shopping at Lowes better than Home Depot for one reason and one reason only....the bathrooms. They are centrally located by the cashiers. At home depot the restrooms are the farthest away at the back of the store behind the lumber department. As a mother with two kids I have found it much convenient to use the bathrooms there. Therefore, they win my vote. Funny how I now rate stores these days...LOL! Rosi

  2. You hit this one right out the park. Or should I say the store. Or should I say that you would have if you could have found the lumber dept.

  3. Hilarious! I'll have Grampap make a Lowe's shopping list for you that is organized the way the store is laid out. That is how we grocery shop...with a list we made up organized the way our favorite grocery store is laid out..then we just highlight on the master list what we need. Haha. Actually it would be kinda difficult to do with a hardward store. Sorry about the tractors. I can picture the boys climbing all over them.

  4. I took a couple of the kids to Home Depot this weekend. Because of the shear awesomeness that is a home improvement store, I made sure to restrain one in a basket.

    My daughter did like watching the fork lift.

    Other than that we escaped unharmed.

  5. THis was so funny! Thanks for the good laugh. Didn't big brother used to say that he worked at Lowe's before Target became his favorite store? Love, aunt-e

  6. As if the tractors were not bad enough, they have the sheds in front. Luckily, my son has always been fascinated by fans so I can divert him with that aisle. I do get a perverse sense of enjoyment when asking where something is, asking the home improvement specialist to find it and watching his face when he can't find it either on aisle 15,000.

    I heard that shoe polish works as well or better than the furniture touch up pens on floors and tables. I believe they have in convenient front aisle at shoe carnival. ;)

  7. Same letter to Home Depot. Add: Please blocking off aisles to use the forklift for hours. I just travled 1/2 hour to get to your store for something specific and you block me off?? 5 or 10 minutes sure...but come on... aisle closed the whole day? Kiss off.

  8. @Rosi: Agree with you about the BR's @Lowe's. It IS funny what makes for a "good" store these days.

    @WM: Thanks. They're still looking for the ball. It's in a roped off area.

    @Gramm-E: Yeah, but there's just no "logical flow" to the organization of hardware stores.

    @Eric: Lucky you.

    @Aunt-E: Yes, Big Brother claimed to have worked at Lowe's at one point. No surprise that his job was to ride tractors.

    @Pageturner: I wonder if there employees have to take a test on where stuff is before they start work

    @O'Shea: It's only fitting that once you find what you need, it would not be accessible.

  9. This might sound goofy, but every time I walk into a "Lowe's" I'm glad I'm a woman. When I walk into a store like this, I'm usally a bit confused, so I put on my "Help! I'm a confused woman" look on my face. Someone usually takes pity quickly and leads me to whatever I need. Manipulation? Yes. But it does get results.