Why Males Pee Solo

Mom-E once told me that girls go to the bathroom in groups because it’s a social event.

Okay. Fine. I’m not going to even attempt to TRY to understand that one. Whatever makes you happy, dear. :)

However, I think I've figured out why boys DON’T go to the bathroom in groups (i.e., why we prefer to pee “solo.”) Let me set this up for you:

I was in the bathroom at church yesterday with the boys (where else would we be while at church? Actually, we only went potty once, as Big Brother’s bladder has recently grown from a size 3T to a 4T, thankfully just in time for preschool.)

I’ve always felt it was very important, even from an early age, for me to be the one to take the boys to the bathroom. “It’s a boy thing,” Big Brother explains to Mom-E.

So, we enter the bathroom, and there are four potential places to go potty:

BIG STALL LITTLE STALL TALL URINAL SHORT URINAL

Big Brother’s 2 favorite places to go are the Big Stall and the Short Urinal. Of course, both of these spots are presently occupied.

And of course, Big Brother REFUSES to go potty in the other 2 locations.

Instead, he opts to try to crawl under the door of the Big Stall. Mmm, now that’s clean.

I attempt to bend down to pull him out, which turns into a modified power squat because I’m carrying Little Brother in one arm. Fortunately, Big Brother figures out quickly that someone else is in the stall and he retreats.

By now, the Short Urinal has become available, and we head over there. Big Brother drops his pants and underwear, goes up to the stall, and…

Decides he really doesn’t want to pee in the Short Urinal. Instead, he starts to fuss and protest.

This means another power squat for Dad-E to help him pull up his pants while I'm holding Little Brother.

Finally, the Big Stall is free, and now BOTH boys want to go potty.

Big Brother takes his turn.

Then Little Brother exclaims, “I want to go potty, too.”

So, power squat #3 to set him down and take his diaper off.

Of course, Little Brother does not want to sit on the potty. Nope, he prefers to have me hold him up (sort of a modified power squat if you will).

But of course, 2 seconds later he decides that he no longer wants to go potty.

Big Brother walks out of the potty, his pants are still down. (Yet another power squat to fix that one.)

Then, Little Brother and I have a brief date at the changing table so I can reattach his diaper.

We proceed to move to the sink. Both boys enjoy playing and splashing washing their hands.

We’re just about to leave, when Little Brother again exclaims, “I want to go potty,” pointing at the Short Urinal.

Obviously wanting to encourage this behavior, I do power squat #5 to get him ready.

You can picture me bent down, holding a toddler up to pee at a urinal that’s taller than he is, his behind pointed pretty much at my face.

You may also remember that we’re actually still at church, and so I say a brief prayer that no "emissions" are directed my way.

Two seconds later, Little Brother decides he’s had enough of the potty and is done.

So, back we go for another round at the changing table.

And another round at the sink.

Finally, we leave the bathroom and head back to church. Yes, church is still going on, even though it feels like we’ve been in the bathroom for an hour.

As we leave, two thoughts are running through my head.
1. We’re soon to have Bab-E Brother (aka Boy #3). How much fun is it going to be to repeat the above procedure with 3 boys instead of 2? I'm picturing myself with Bab-E Brother strapped to my chest in the Baby Bjorn, doing power squats to help two other boys roaming around the bathroom naked from the waist down. Methinks I will have to chain them together.

2. This is why boys prefer to pee “solo.” It doesn't take long going to the bathroom in group fashion for us to realize that there are easier alternatives, even though I did get a good workout of my quads and gluts from all of the power squats.

Have a good week,
Busy-Dad-E