Moving Men

Happy Fatherhood Friday everyone!

Thanks to Dad-blogs.com for helping dad bloggers to take over the blogosphere one week at a time.

I think that we, as dad bloggers, need to make our own tv show.

Perhaps it’s because we’re trying to sell our house right now, but I think all of those “This Old House”, “Extreme Home Makeover”, and home improvement-type shows have it all wrong.

They claim to be “Reality TV”. When it comes to home improvement/moving with young families, they’re pretty far from reality.

I think we should make a home repair-type show, but it has to be done WITH KIDS “HELPING”. To show home repair/moving as it really is.

Take the other day for example. We’re trying to get the house ready to go on the market, and at a fairly frenetic pace. The weekends are our best time to get stuff done. Of course we have plenty of “help.” All of the following occurs within the same 24-hour period:

-Big Brother insists on making the entire Island of Sodor with his Thomas track no less than 5 times a day, and it must cover at least the entire space of the living room. Niche marketing ploy on our part. "Yes, the house comes with the train track."

-Little Brother enjoys helping Mom-E “clean” windows. Usually to the tune of autographing newly cleaned windows with his “high-five” handprints. C’mon, you know they needed cleaning twice anyway.

-Little Brother continues to help Mom-E “clean” windows. In a moment of boredom (the window in his bathroom starts at about twice his height), Little Brother opts to swish his hands around in a (not clean) toilet bowl. Slow down Little Brother. We’ll get you a brush.

-Attempts to touch-up trim paint turn into a game of, “Keep Little Brother’s Hand Out of The Paint.”
Only one player is allowed to laugh during the game, and that player must be under 36 inches tall.

-Big Brother proceeds to spike a fever to 104F, complete with puking, 36 hours before the house officially goes on the market. We’re convinced he has swine flu.

-Big Brother’s fever disappears within the first two doses of Tylenol, and he is darn near back to himself, arguing against influenza.

-Little Brother adamantly REFUSES to go down for a nap. Probably because the carpet in his room has just been cleaned, and almost all of his furniture is out of the room, thereby completely disrupting his routine. He proceeds to scream in protest to the point of making himself puke at least 3 times, requiring a bath, and coming within millimeters of having to re-do the carpet in his room.

-Big Brother is doing well such that he goes grocery shopping with Dad-E. We decide to go shopping at the literal point the monsoon decides to hit. Despite an umbrella and a relatively short walk into the store, our shirts are so wet that we had to go to the bathroom to wring them out. Unfortunately you can’t wring water out of shoes. I’m convinced the wet clothes plus the subzero temps in the store will bring his fever right back.

-Little Brother’s grows tired of the “Paint” game, and switches over to a games of “Walk With a Melting Purple Popsicle Over Newly Cleaned Carpet” and “Who Can Spit Chocolate Juice Closest to the Newly Cleaned Carpet Without Actually Hitting It.”

Now that’s what I call a reality show. You get a prize just for completing a given task.

Anyone can paint a room. But can you paint with a 4 year-old pulling on your arm, protesting, "Dad-E we need to make a track", while simultaneously preventing a 2 year-old from diving head-first into the paint can. Now that takes skills.

C’mon, as long as you’re not the one doing the repairs, you know you’d watch it.

Have a good weekend,
Busy-Dad-E