Friday, September 4, 2009

Moving Men

Happy Fatherhood Friday everyone!

Thanks to for helping dad bloggers to take over the blogosphere one week at a time.

I think that we, as dad bloggers, need to make our own tv show.

Perhaps it’s because we’re trying to sell our house right now, but I think all of those “This Old House”, “Extreme Home Makeover”, and home improvement-type shows have it all wrong.

They claim to be “Reality TV”. When it comes to home improvement/moving with young families, they’re pretty far from reality.

I think we should make a home repair-type show, but it has to be done WITH KIDS “HELPING”. To show home repair/moving as it really is.

Take the other day for example. We’re trying to get the house ready to go on the market, and at a fairly frenetic pace. The weekends are our best time to get stuff done. Of course we have plenty of “help.” All of the following occurs within the same 24-hour period:

-Big Brother insists on making the entire Island of Sodor with his Thomas track no less than 5 times a day, and it must cover at least the entire space of the living room. Niche marketing ploy on our part. "Yes, the house comes with the train track."

-Little Brother enjoys helping Mom-E “clean” windows. Usually to the tune of autographing newly cleaned windows with his “high-five” handprints. C’mon, you know they needed cleaning twice anyway.

-Little Brother continues to help Mom-E “clean” windows. In a moment of boredom (the window in his bathroom starts at about twice his height), Little Brother opts to swish his hands around in a (not clean) toilet bowl. Slow down Little Brother. We’ll get you a brush.

-Attempts to touch-up trim paint turn into a game of, “Keep Little Brother’s Hand Out of The Paint.”
Only one player is allowed to laugh during the game, and that player must be under 36 inches tall.

-Big Brother proceeds to spike a fever to 104F, complete with puking, 36 hours before the house officially goes on the market. We’re convinced he has swine flu.

-Big Brother’s fever disappears within the first two doses of Tylenol, and he is darn near back to himself, arguing against influenza.

-Little Brother adamantly REFUSES to go down for a nap. Probably because the carpet in his room has just been cleaned, and almost all of his furniture is out of the room, thereby completely disrupting his routine. He proceeds to scream in protest to the point of making himself puke at least 3 times, requiring a bath, and coming within millimeters of having to re-do the carpet in his room.

-Big Brother is doing well such that he goes grocery shopping with Dad-E. We decide to go shopping at the literal point the monsoon decides to hit. Despite an umbrella and a relatively short walk into the store, our shirts are so wet that we had to go to the bathroom to wring them out. Unfortunately you can’t wring water out of shoes. I’m convinced the wet clothes plus the subzero temps in the store will bring his fever right back.

-Little Brother’s grows tired of the “Paint” game, and switches over to a games of “Walk With a Melting Purple Popsicle Over Newly Cleaned Carpet” and “Who Can Spit Chocolate Juice Closest to the Newly Cleaned Carpet Without Actually Hitting It.”

Now that’s what I call a reality show. You get a prize just for completing a given task.

Anyone can paint a room. But can you paint with a 4 year-old pulling on your arm, protesting, "Dad-E we need to make a track", while simultaneously preventing a 2 year-old from diving head-first into the paint can. Now that takes skills.

C’mon, as long as you’re not the one doing the repairs, you know you’d watch it.

Have a good weekend,


  1. Okay, I'd watch it, but I will only compete if I am allowed the use of duct tape.

  2. I play that game too, but I try to have grandma over when we do that stuff to preoccupy the little ones :)

  3. @WeaselMomma: It depends. Are you using the duct tape on the repair job, or on the children?

    @Jason: Sorry. Having grandma over is a complete rule violation here. The whole point is that you have to do the repair without any outside assistance. "Au naturel", so-to-speak.

  4. Oh wow.

    Thank you. You've just delayed my decision to agree to have another child for at least the next 6 months! ;-)

  5. Oh, boy...I can totally relate! You have forgotten that I had the house on the market pregnant with a toddler, and two dogs too and Michael's busy schedule of limited availability. Somedays I felt like giving up...I mean how many times can you wipe down a window (our front door was glass), I vacuum at least twice a day due to dog fur. I believe it was a miracle of God that I survived! Rosi

  6. We had our house on the market briefly, so I have some idea of what your are talking about. I only have one kid, but he seems to make a mess that there appears to be at least two.

  7. The prize would need to be a lot more than a million dollars.

  8. Slow down Little Brother. We’ll get you a brush.


    You're right: I'd DEFINITELY watch that show. It'd be better than tons of the crap that's on currently! :)

  9. I'd be glued to this show all the while thanking God I'm not putting my house on the market and my "little ones" are old enough to use the paint correctly and not dive in head first. I know, no fun in that. Your post also made me aware that I do NOT miss puking children. Just sayin'

  10. I'll watch it too. Can't wait really. Thanks for sharing an interesting post here. Good luck! By the way, these best gifts that you could give your better-half might interest you too. Thanks and have a nice and fulfilling day.

  11. Yeah i can't even imagine. I had a hard time keeping my house clean and in order while it was on the market and i lived ALONE! Not even a husband at the time!!! Love, Aunt-E