Friday, September 25, 2009

O Lord Where's My Ring

Happy Fatherhood Friday everyone!

Don't forget to check out all of the great bloggers over at The "Eye" is watching to see if you do.

Today, another letter for my boys.


Dear Boys,

Don't ever lose your wedding ring. Not even for 15 minutes.


The other weekend I was doing some yard work.

I was spreading some mulching to build a flower bed.

All of a sudden, I looked down to see a small swarm of ants on my left hand (apparently they had set up camp in the mulching).

My first thought was, "I'm going to end up like the people devoured by the scarab beetles in the Mummy."

A few dribbles down my leg screams later, I was brushing the little buggers off while running inside.

Once inside, I made a bee-line for the sink to wash my hands, all the while chanting "Ow. Ow. Ow."

Ants now off of my hands, I found myself still chanting "Ow. Ow. Ow."

Looking down, it was apparent that a few ants were trying to join their lost bretheren in my hands by climbing my legs.

At this point, I pretty much started screaming again.

Mom-E and the boys looked perplexed as I'm now running towards the bathroom, stripping my clothes off as I go.

Fortunately the next set of dribbles down my leg were that of the shower washing off the remainder of the ants.

Meanwhile, the family has congregated in the bathroom.

"What's going on?" Mom-E asks.


The echoes of my screams suddenly took a back seat to sheer terror and panic
(my first thought was, "I'm going to be sleeping outside--WITH THE ANTS--for the rest of my life.")

Mom-E's first thought was that the ring went flying off in the back yard while I tried to brush them off.

Back outside I go, more or less retracing my steps run and tearing up the back yard.

No ring.

Mom-E comes outside a few moments later to ask, "Does your stud finder have a metal detector?"

#1 I wasn't aware that you knew I had a stud finder.
#2 I don't know whether to be impressed or a little turned-on.

(My stud finder does not have a metal detector).

Being a most resourceful, multitasking woman, within 5 minutes Mom-E has price compared metal detectors at 5 different stores, called her family to let them know what happened, and sewn an oversized pillow that will be my new bed for sleeping outside.

Then, Mom-E came out in to the back yard to help.

Mind you, we're going to church in about an hour, and Mom-E comes out in her dress and some old flip-flops.

Of course, as she's looking, the ants start going after her legs, too.

I will never forget the image of noticeably pregnant Mom-E wearing a dress in the back yard, hopping around on 1 foot (in the mud), trying to brush ants off her leg.

By divine intervention, she did not fall in the mud.

We headed back inside.

As I go to enter the house through the garage, I happen to notice my ring next to the door.

And then I remembered. The ants had gotten under my ring. I must've taken it off as I was entering the house and set it on the step stool next to the door. However, the stool must've been bumped and the ring fell off.


Okay, it's a little funny now, but wasn't so funny at the time.

Have a good weekend. Hold on to your ring.



  1. Boy am I glad you found it. Being fall the weather will not be getting pleasant over the next few months and sleeping outside, pillow of not, wouldn't be enjoyable.

  2. Yeah, my wife would have given me some retort about me not paying attention to where I put things..

    I knew it is a newer reference, but I probably would have thought of the killer russian soldier dragging ants from Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of Crystal Skull..

    But if I hadn't found it.. I would have gotten in a lead lined fridge right away because the wife would have blown up like a nuke..

  3. Yes, Mom-E did call me to ask if I knew anyone who owned a metal detector. I didn't realize she had also called 5 stores and sewn a pillow for your outdoor sleeping...not surprised though, she is very fast and resourceful too. Good thing you found your ring!

  4. @Eric - Oh yeah, I do remember the ants from the newest IJ movie. Amazingly, that was one of the few films Mom-E and I have seen in the theater in the last few years. Thanks for reminding me of both scenes (ants and Pb-lined fridge), and how utterly implausible so many things were with that movie.

  5. I put on a glove full of ants once. That was a terrible ordeal. Gald you found your ring.

  6. It is scary losing your wedding ring. When I was pregnant with Kaitlyn I could not locate my engagement ring for 4 months. I swore I must have thrown it in the trash. I thought Michael was going to be outraged, but seeing that I was pregnant he pretty much said.."you are not getting another one." So, four months later...(in December)I was so hot that I decided to put on shorts, well long and behold my engagement ring pooped out of the pile of shorts in the closet. I screamed so loud that he thought my water broke. LOL! Thank the Lord I found it. Glad you found your wedding band is irreplaceable. Rosi

  7. misplaced rings are never a good thing, especially when they're a carat and a half. oh yeah, i was FREAKED. lol glad your band was found and you didn't have to sleep on what-sounds-like-a-dog-bed. :0)

  8. p.s. haha @ anonymous and her shorts pooping out her engagement ring

  9. Pooped, popped, what's the difference, right?

  10. This was a great story and I'm SO glad you found your ring!! The ant thing is terrible! I was also freaking out to hear that somebody said they put on an ant filled glove...ouch!! Aunt-E