Friday, December 11, 2009

Blue Christmas Play

Happy Fatherhood Friday everyone!

Don't forget to check out the great bloggers over at, (and then come back :)

Well, last night was Big Brother's school Christmas play.

In the first 5 minutes after we arrived (5 minutes late), Little Brother had to pee, and I managed to bonk my forehead on the metal part of the urinal (while trying to suspend him, half-naked, in mid-air, such that if he did pee, he would not completely douse his pantalones.)

I seriously thought my forehead was bleeding, but alas it was just a foreshadowing of the rest of the event.

Meanwhile, a very pregnant Mom-E attempted to get Big Brother to join his peers in the staging/dressing area, of which he wanted NO part.

And at this point in the pregnancy, Mom-E chasing after Big Brother is about as fruitful as digging for rhinestones in a dung heap.

So, I tagged in, and Mom-E tagged out with Little Brother.

I dragged escorted Big Brother to the dressing room. He was to be a shepherd, and wanted nothing to do with his costume (a brown tunic and long hat).

With the help of a straight jacket persistence, I managed to get the tunic on (which was twice his height), but the hat remained a big “no.”

(Still, we managed to avoid winning the Oscar for “Refused to Wear Costume”, which was snagged by another kid who refused to transform into a lion.)

The poor kid looked like a tootsie roll, so I guess I can’t blame him too much for being dissatisfied with his get-up. To top it off, his sheperd's pole was missing. The teachers couldn't seem to locate it.

And so, when it came time to line up to enter the “stage”, Big Brother yelled refused.

He did walk in with me behind everybody else, but proceeded to plunk down in the row with Little Brother, Mom-E, Gramm-E, and GramPap-E (who traveled especially to witness this debaucle) in the “peanut gallery.”

Little Brother immediately started in with “Why is Big Brother wearing jammies?” (he was already mad that he didn’t get to wear jammies to the event.)

And so we sat there through the whole play (except for the time I had to take Little Brother potty again, and the other time that he got fussy and started to blurt out, “I wanna go home now” and I got up to walk around.)

(Me, too, little buddy. Me, too. )

After the play I was a bad parent, and we skipped out on cake & refreshments afterwards because I picked up both boys and made a bee-line for the minivan I didn’t particularly want to “reward” his behavior.

And while it might’ve been good for Big Brother to socialize with his peers, I really wasn’t in the mood to schmooze with the other parents (I’m a wallflower at parties/in large gatherings). I can picture the conversation with a total stranger:

“My child was one of the wise men, how ‘bout yours?” they’d say.

“Well, mine was supposed to be a shepherd, but he opted to play the role of the undercover, plain clothes policeman who hung out in the audience for crowd control purposes.”

I think that was in the version of the Christmas story from the Book of Lies.

Of course, not long after we got home, Big Brother was his usual, giggly self.

And of course he managed to stab me in the heart with a silver dagger by asking me, “Dad-E, are you still mad at me?” (At least he reads emotions well in others.)

“I was never mad at you.” I replied. “I love you. I was just frustrated that you didn’t want to participate in the play. Why did you get so upset?”

“Oh I didn’t like that my costume was brown. I wanted it to be blue. Blue is my favorite color.”

This is true. Meal time is much smoother these days if we have a blue cup and plate.

And perhaps the next time we go to a play, we’ll opt for Blue Man Group.

Have a good weekend.
Let me know if you find Big Brother’s shepherd’s pole. Otherwise, I want my 5 bucks back.


  1. Oh, boy! That is a difficult age...they get caught up in the smallest of details than the bigger picture. Kaitlyn has a ballet recital this upcoming June and she is just beginning to learn her routine. I am not so sure if we will make it on stage or not, but seeing that we just paid $60 for a costume I do hope at least she gets to wear it. We shall see.....Rosi

  2. I would have skipped out as well. My oldest son is in theater and thankfully they have multiple nights they perform.

    We take turns going. With the kids staying home. That way, the only person going to the bathroom is my pregnant wife.

  3. Great story. It was entertaining for me even if it wasn't for you.

  4. You will look back on it one day and laugh.

  5. It's amazing the things that will set kids off. We have left many events because it was just easier- and we didn't want to reward the bad behavior. A good weekend to you as well!

  6. Plus, it's scary being in front of all those people! Glad he found his giggles and you could share the virtual entertainment of your night.

  7. Dude. Bad night. Those school events never turn out as Norman Rockwell as they are billed to be.

  8. That's awesome. My son did the same thing at his kinda play last year and, based on the trouble we've had getting him to rehearse so far, will probably do the same again this year. We encourage him to do it of course, but a part of me respects that he turns his back on expectations if its not something he enjoys doing. I did the same thing right through high school. haha. I mentioned to the kindergarten teacher that maybe he could be the 'prop' guy, or the director of the play, or help with costumes, if performing is not his thing right now. The play's next week. So we'll see how he goes. Thanks for the funny story.

  9. I agree this will be a good story to laugh about in the future! Won't it be funny if he turns out to be an actor? Love, Aunt-E