Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Great Things About Newborns

As a "new" father for the third time, despite the insomnia, I've enjoyed reminiscing and reexperiencing all of the wonderful things about newborns/having a newborn.

I'll share just a few here below:

-Newborns smell AMAZING (their skin, that is). Here's a free business venture for you (I'll take 25% royalty): someone should market a cologne with the newborn smell for guys called "Newborn." Talk about making you a chick magnet

-Newborn baby skin is unbelievably soft. I'm jealous, and I don't even like lotion.

-Only newborns can get away with looking extremely cute while farting. It's the smile--gets you every time.

-Newborns get to sleep like 20 hours per day. Again, I'm jealous. Enjoy it while you can, kid.

-Newborns have the unique ability to sneeze, poop their pants, and fall asleep in one fell swoop.

-Newborns are extremely cuddly, which offers the side benefit of a portable heating pad.

-Newborns fart and fart and fart, striking you with terror that they've "blown out" their outfit (we define a blow-out as poop that goes up the top of the diaper, onto their back, and dousing their outfit).

Of course, after all that farting and worrying there's only one teeny tiny seed of poop.

On the flip-side, it's always the teeny tiny farts that precede the blow-outs.

-Newborns love to be put into straight jackets swaddled. When they're all swaddled, I think newborns look like little (non-edible) burritos.

-Newborns can utter belches rivaling those of 200 lb men.

-Somtimes, when newborns poop, it fizzes like one of those "snakes" you light on the 4th of July.

-"Getting dressed" for newborns = putting on new jammies.

-Newborns exert the greatest degree of control over adults, per pound of body weight ,of any living creatures (so far, Bab-E Brother has made us buy a minivan and build a new house.)

-Newborns also require you to tote around the most "stuff", per pound of body weight, of any living creature. Sometimes I wonder if our diaper bag is bigger than "Her Royal Highness's Matched Luggage" from Spaceballs.

-If they want, parents of newborns can let their appearance go, because, let's face it, friends and family now only come over to see the baby, not you. :) (j/k)

-Having a newborn means you, as a parent, have a built-in "excuse" to play with toys for several years.

-Paternity leave (especially when vacation + sick leave = "complimentary paycheck.")
Of course, in Scandinavia, maternity leave is for one year. Again, I'm jealous.

See you on Fatherhood Friday,


  1. I really love the newborn stage. They are cuter than cute, soft, snuggly and all around awesome. I'm slightly jealous, but not enough to want one of my own. Maybe I could just borrow yours?

  2. I LOVE NEWBORNS! I love everything about that stage..not so much the waking up every hour to feed, but you get my point. I know you are enjoying every moment. I am jealous that you get to have some leave. Michael always had to rush back to work the day after both our babies came home. Rosi

  3. I also love newborns, and maybe I should go live in Scandinavia! Love aunt-e

  4. @WM: We'd let you borrow Pupp-E so that Matilda can have a playmate.

    @Rosi: Yes, I'm definitely having more fun than being at work.

    @Aunt-E: Yeah, but then there's that whole bit about it being dark and cold a lot.

  5. Sounds like Newborns are all farting. I can't remember ours as a newborn even thouhg it was just last year. The sleep depravation did bad things to my brain.

  6. Like Ray Ramano said. You can even check a newborns pulse by looking at it's forehead.

    Also, every time you pick them up, you have to change their diaper.

  7. @Otter: As Shrek says, "They eat and they poop, and they poop and they eat." The sleep deprivation gives you amnesia for how hard it was to have a newborn, making it possible to consider having more.

    @Eric: And sometimes you have to change them AGAIN (a 2nd time) before you can even put them back down.

  8. Newborns are AWESOME little creatures that dazzle you and make you think sleep deprevation isn't all that bad. LOL I'm so happy you're rediscovering the joy of having a newborn, but remember to share the toys with the kids... I love holding newborns, but will patiently until I become a grandmother. Mine are 18 and 15, and still are enjoying being young. I guess it will be awhile...

  9. Newborns are awesome, but I don't think there has been a longer time in my life than the first two weeks of my son's life. I look back and wonder how we did it. But while those were the longest weeks, I can't believe that he just turned 3 months yesterday. This whole dad thing is amazing. And in Canada we get 1 year of leave. 18 weeks mat leave, and then 35 weeks that can be split between the dad or mom. So I have 35 weeks of SAHD bliss. :)

  10. @Surprised Mom: They best part of grandkids, so I've hear, is that after you enjoy them you get to give them back.

    @mrstorage: Congrats. We've found that nature gives you amnesia for those first few weeks (the only way you'd think about having more). Enjoy your year of leave.