Monday, January 9, 2012

Santa Needs Some New Regional Helpers

Dear Santa Claus,

First of all, thank you very much for contributing to a wonderful Christmas for our boys.

We are also greatly appreciative that you took Little Brother's slippers back to the North Pole to exchange them for the proper size.

However, since then, the resulting chaos has, on several occasions, brought Busy-Mom-E close to rupturing an aneurysm.

And while she could provide more precise details regarding the details of this monstrosity, suffice it to say that in the interest of her health her doctor has advised her against doing so.

So I will try.

We were pleased to receive an email that you had outsourced the slipper exchange to your Regional Retail Elves at

We were even more pleased to receive a package in the mail with the replacement slippers.

Until we opened find another pair of slippers in the WRONG size.

Mom-E checked our email records, and confirmed that you had indeed ordered size 9-10, however the Regional Retail Elves at shipped size 7-8.

We tried to help your busy workload by calling on your behalf, which met with great frustration.

At least one elf spoke an ancient form of elvish that Mom-E did not understand, leaving Mom-E to just hang up and call back, hoping she'd reach a different elf.

Another elf was mostly pleasant but had a hard time understanding the nature of the problem, and instead focused too much on "Did you have a nice Christmas? Are you traveling anywhere soon?"

Umm, the right size slippers would've made things nicer, and if you don't get this fixed, we might have to come visit you and we won't be happy.

We did speak to an assistant manager elf who put in a new order.

However, when we received a confirmation email, despite the assistant manager elf clearly voicing back "size 9-10", the message stated they would ship "size 7-8".

This resulted in another series of phone calls, including another elf who who spoke the same elvish uttered in the depths of Mordor. We were not able to reach the same assistant manager elf. But another elf explained that there appeared to be a computer glitch where it was shipping the "next size down". We have assurances that the THIRD order was placed correctly.

Of course, we have now received 2 pairs of the wrong size slippers - that we must take back to the store. Although we did appreciate the small gift card for all of the hassel.

But if this third order does not have the correct size, Mom-E is either going to go gray, bald, or rupture that aneurysm.

We strongly suggest that you outsource elsewhere next year.

Signed, two concerned parents,
Busy-Dad-E and Busy-Mom-E

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